The Ultimate Slash Story
by Panther1
Summary: THEY ARENT GAY NOW! Well, in the first chapter they are. 1: James&Siri. 2; Remmie&Siri and Siri wakes up, thank God.
1. James

DISCLAIMER: JK owns the boys, I just let them out to play.  
  
Sirius was laying on his stomach on his bed, poking holes in his Dinivanations assignment with his wand. He yawned and stretched, much to James delight. You see, James was madly in love with his best friend even though that wouldn't fit with the story. He smiled and drooled, making a big puddle on his lap. Sirius looked over and flashed James a white toothed smile. This made James very er ''happy'' should we say. James had a very large fetish for Sirius's teeth among other things. Sirius's teeth made James very ''happy''. So when Sirius saw how ''happy'' James was he got ''happy'' too. Sirius had a fetish with James pinky finger. He giggled. James frowned. He thought Sirius was laughing at him. He ran off, which was kind of difficult because he was so erm ''happy''. Sirius was crushed. He thought James didn't like him. Sirius was very mad at himself, because he didn't like his eyebrows. He thought he had ugly eyebrows. So he sat hating himself for a while when James came back. He wasn't ''happy'' because his ''happiness'' went away with Lily even though James is gay. He cried. 'Sirius I love you!'  
'I love you too, James. But we can't be together.' Sirius said quietly. 'Because I have ugly eyebrows.'  
'NO!' James shouted. 'I love your eyebrows.' He said passionatly.  
'Really, you do? I thought they were ugly.' Sirius said gently.  
'No...they make me kind of...happy...' James giggled.  
They gigglecd.  
Then they did something VERY painful and gross which requires uh being happy and having a tough stomach and something called lubricant. Afterwards, Sirius was curled up to James because James is gay dominant macho man.   
'I love you.' Sirius murmurred, kissing James.  
'I love you too.' James said. And then they cuddled alot until Remus came in.  
'AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' Sirius screamed.   
'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' Remus screamed as well. 'WHAT DO YOU TWO IDIOTS THINK YOUR DOING IN MY BED!?!?!?!?!?!?!?'  
They giggled, because slash stories ALWAYS have a happy end.  
THE END. 


	2. Remus

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them.  
  
Sirius gave a hopeless wail and threw the book down. 'I'll never get it!' He said with defeat. Remus looked at Potions book laying on the ground and smiled. He stood up and walked to his best friend, picking the book up.  
'Sirius, love, would you like some help?'  
Sirius nodded, not thinking that Remus had just called him love. James walked in smiling, but when he saw his love he stopped. 'Whats wrong, hon?' He asked, wrapping an arm around both his friends.  
'Siri just needs some help in Potions, Jamie.' Remus explained. James nodded.  
'Well, if you need help come get me. I'll be in the common room.' Remus smiled and sat Sirius on the bed.   
'Now Sirius lets shag like dogs!'  
'What?!?!?!?!' Sirius asked. Remus had a demonic glint in his eyes. 'Remmie I'm with James-'  
'Oh forget him!' Remus hissed. He grabbed Sirius's wrists. 'You're mine now!'  
'You sound like the f*cking wicked witch of the west!' Sirius yelled and tried to jerk his hands away.  
'Shut up! If I'm gonna do this right you gotta whimper and act scared!'  
'But your my best friend!' Sirius sounded offended. 'And you wouldn't hurt me!'  
'Well act like you dunno that, dimwit.' Remus commanded. He growled. 'Your robes won't come off!!!'  
'Well, tug a little harder.'  
'Oh shit they ripped.'  
'YOU JERK!' Sirius shouted. 'THESE ARE MY BEST ROBES!'  
'Sorry.' Remus said. 'Can I go back to raping you now?'  
'Sure, fine, whatever. I MEAN NO!'  
'DAMMIT SIRIUS! I can't rape the unwilling!' Reus sulked.  
'Oh I'm sorry Remmie.' Sirius said. 'Okay you can rape me.'  
With that, Sirius Black woke up screaming.  
'JAMES! REMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU!' He shrieked.  
'Wha?' James asked sleepily from the bed next to him. 'You had the dream again?'  
'Yes.' Sirius whimpered.  
'Ugh.' Remus said. 'Did I rape you with a piece of fruit this time?'  
END  
NOTES: I'm sorry i just couldn't stand them being GAY! Well, alls well now.  
~Panther~ 


End file.
